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I hate myself sometimes.
So last night, I found myself in bed, up at 3, silently crying (eventually to sleep) over the same person who I found myself crying over 20 months ago, this time, hoping I'm not left behind as she advances on through life.
Unfortunately, in that, I made another friend of mine, who I went to find solace in, feel left behind. Yeah, wonderful person I am there.
Outside of that, I've come to realize that I'm kinda a shit friend. I've basically reached the point where I've secluded myself to three or four people period, the rest being acquaintances of varying levels, and I hate that, as well as the reasons why.
I hate how I still haven't how gotten over myself when it comes to both approaching others and being approached. I hate that I seldom reply, let alone have words for anything.
It's a bit hypocritical to ask for one to keep contact with you when you barely do the same to most others. Guess that's what happens when your still hold somebody extremely close to you .
I'm begging in a way I hate, aren't I? Dammit...
So last night, I found myself in bed, up at 3, silently crying (eventually to sleep) over the same person who I found myself crying over 20 months ago, this time, hoping I'm not left behind as she advances on through life.
Unfortunately, in that, I made another friend of mine, who I went to find solace in, feel left behind. Yeah, wonderful person I am there.
Outside of that, I've come to realize that I'm kinda a shit friend. I've basically reached the point where I've secluded myself to three or four people period, the rest being acquaintances of varying levels, and I hate that, as well as the reasons why.
I hate how I still haven't how gotten over myself when it comes to both approaching others and being approached. I hate that I seldom reply, let alone have words for anything.
It's a bit hypocritical to ask for one to keep contact with you when you barely do the same to most others. Guess that's what happens when your still hold somebody extremely close to you .
I'm begging in a way I hate, aren't I? Dammit...
Farewell
So I've noticed that in the last two years ago, essentially all of the relationships that I had developed here have completely petered out for one reason or another, be it a lack of communication, reciprocation, or simply a loss of ability to maintain contact. Considering I'm really only able to keep contact with two people here at best, I've had a number of relationships go to shit (looking at you, L), and the fact that the dA community as a whole doesn't really endear me, I really think it's about time to pack my bags and move on from this place, and with detail.
So the plan.
First of all, I'm not going to deactivate this account. Yeah ye
FYI
Not posting anything artwise here. dA is kinda dead to me, really. I'm mostly here for communications.
Live
No
Okay, maybe
Look, the first column spelled "NO". Guess I won't then.
But yeah, not going to be too alive here. FA manages to be far more convenient for uploading and there's more that I'd rather upload there than here.
May post a few things not necessarily tied to FA here, like what's my secondary cast with Nat's stuff.
Birthdays
First of all, thanks to everybody who wished me a happy birthday. I do appreciate it, despite me saying next to nothing about it.
Now, for a little bit of a rant.
I really don't get excited for my birthdays, much to the chagrin of people around me. To me, birthdays aren't all that special; they're just another day in life. Do what I have to, then relax. If anybody does special for me, then power to them, I don't particularly care. Your gift to me, not my gift for me given by you.
Sure, it's nice to say that you're a year older, but that in itself entails no special meaning to me. It's equivalent to being a day older or a month older or wh
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